Perinatal Counselor with Meadville OB/GYN Associates
Most of us tend to have a complicated relationship with emotions. We want to feel the pleasant ones, but we want nothing to do with the uncomfortable ones. We tend to think of joy, happiness, contentment, etc., as “good” emotions, and sadness, anger, and anxiety as “bad” emotions.
It’s actually this way of viewing emotions that can cause us problems and create suffering.
When we fear the “bad emotions” it also blocks us from really experiencing the “good emotions”, because we think: “well, I feel good now, but I know something bad is going to happen. I shouldn’t let myself feel this too much because it won’t last.” We are so fearful of feeling uncomfortable that we dampen the pleasant feelings.
When we are feeling the “bad emotions,” the way we view them and react to them tends to amplify them. We start to feel like: “not only is this feeling here and uncomfortable, but it’s still here and not going away…I can’t feel this…I need this to go away…”
This urgency to stop feeling certain emotions generates more fear and more discomfort, so the “bad” feeling gets bigger and bigger.
One way to shift how we react to emotions is to stop thinking of them as you, but as something you are witnessing, like a movie. When you are watching a movie, you don’t believe you are the movie, you are just watching it. You are not this emotion, you are just watching it.
Rather than seeing this emotion you are watching as something scary and bad and dangerous, try shifting to see it as something that’s scared and overwhelmed that doesn’t know what to do or how to handle this situation. Like a little kid who is in deep pain, you wouldn’t yell at them to go away and you wouldn’t give in to them letting them have and do whatever they want. What they need is something in the middle. They need to be held and cared for, and they need to hear: right now this hurts, and it will end. This pain will not last forever. I’m here. You’re not alone.
The same way we would nurture a wounded, scared little child is the same way we can learn to respond to ourselves when we feel unpleasant emotions. By tending to ourselves in this way, we don’t amplify the emotions and create more suffering, we recognize the emotion is here, that it will pass, and that it’s okay to feel this right now. Close your eyes and say to yourself: this hurts, but I’ve got you, I’m here for you.
Rather than showing up for ourselves as a critical, shaming, bully we can instead learn to show up for ourselves with care and tenderness.
To learn more about this and other ways to take care of yourself during difficult times call Meadville OB/GYN Associates at 814-333-5888 to schedule a counseling appointment with me.
